Pilot jokes

[Leah]

Tower: you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!
Pilot: give us another hint, we have digital watches!
_________________
D'oh!

[Leah]

Tower: "Sind sie ein Airbus 320 oder 340?"
Pilot: "Ein A 340 natürlich!"
Tower: "Würden Sie dann bitte vor dem Start auch die anderen beiden
Triebwerke starten?"
_________________
D'oh!

[iBOT]

[nffanwaerter]

Um hier mal wieder etwas Leben rein zu bringen.

You know you’re flying a Cessna when you have a bird strike and it is from behind!

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

"I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep"
_________________
362. NFF - Juhuuuu

[nffanwaerter]

Einfach zu herrlich diese Geschichte.


Do you know who I am

An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

During the final days at the old Stapleton airport, a crowded flight was cancelled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F### you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry.
_________________
362. NFF - Juhuuuu

[KnutderElch]

The instructor and a student pilot are holding on the runway for departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops in the middle of the runway, and just stands there looking at them.

Tower: Cessna ABC cleared for take-off.

Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"

Inst: "What do you think you should do?"

(think-think-think)

Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."

Inst: "That's a good idea."

(Taxis toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)

Tower: Cessna ABC cleared for take-off, runway 19.

Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"

Inst: "What do you think you should do?"

(think-think-think)

Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."

Inst: "That's a good idea."

Std: "Cessna ABC, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway."

(long pause)

Tower: Roger ABC, hold your position. Deer on runway 19 cleared for immediate departure.
(Two seconds, and then--I presume by coincidence--the deer bolts from the runway, and runs
back into the woods.)

Tower: Cessna ABC cleared for departure, runway 19. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.

[DaRocket]

gelöscht

[Ricarda00]

Ich mach grad Pause vom lernen und hab mich jz 10 Minuten alleine amusiert hehe...

"auchhiermalmeinensenfdazugebentu"

Da meine Mam ja Flugbegleiterin is, hör ich auch immer geile Sachen von ihr:

Wofür steht den eig L u f t h a n s a? ---> Let us fuck the hostess as no steward is available

Stewardess zu ihrem Capitän: Wieso kriegst du eig soviel mehr Geld als ich?!
C: Naja is schon ein Unterschied, ob dir ein Schnitzel runterfliegt oder mir der Flieger...
_________________
BU: 12,13 Dezember---> oooh yes
PIT: 4-6 Februar--->

VO, Tyrolean 14 April---> ?!

[Aviator05]

ALITALIA bedeutet:

Aircraft landed in Tokio all luggage in australia.
_________________
"We have clearance, Clarence."
"Roger, Roger."
"What's our vector, Victor ?"

[bleier116]

Sind die denn auch teilweise echt so im Funk abgelaufen?

Oh nach dem lesen merke ich "JA"
_________________
BU - 19./20. September 2007
FQ - 12./13. November 2007
Medical - 11. Dezember 2007

=> 366. NFF

[O.B.]

Hier noch eine schöne Sammlung an ATC Jokes:

http://www.toilette-paper.com/jokes/pilots/pilot_controltower.html
_________________
A320

[Intercepter]